C is for Corkscrew

Obviously, a Corkscrew is pretty important for drinking wine.

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, a young, impressionable wine drinker desperately needed a glass of wine after a hard day of work.

She went to the package store and spent her last $10 before payday on some fermented grape swill. She took it home, got out a plastic cup, and grabbed her corkscrew.

This piece of crap corkscrew from the dollar store bent and broke instead of opening the bottle of wine.Our heroine sat on the linoleum and cried.

Then, she grabbed a knife and stabbed the cork into her wine bottle. It kindof worked, but also broke the top of the bottle. Now there was both cork bits and glass shards in the bottle, turning the wine from mediocre to deadly.

In a fit of madness-induced MacGuyver-ing, our heroine strained her wine through a coffee filter and drank it anyway. Clearly, she was not making very good life choices that day all around.

Moral of the story: Have a good corkscrew. I suggest the re-chargeable electronic ones, but if that is out of your price range (mine was a gift from my boss after I told her the above story, actually,) get a decent manual one. They are like, less than five bucks. It is an investment you will be glad of.

In a pinch, you can use the tiny corkscrew function on your brother's jacknife, but that could end in a half a damn bottle of wine down the front of your blouse. That, however, is the story for another day.